My Mother, Ladies and Gentlemen!

K, so, let's get this going. My mother and I, we don't have a good relationship... at all. At least on my side. Again, so you see, she thinks she's oh-so-fair and not strict. Even now she just made a comment about how much stuff we make her do for us. Dear God. Apparently, we don't work or all that, and that I have no idea of resposibilty. Right now she just pointed to me and said: "Saraa musla ither hai!" Meaning: "All the problems are here!"

Now, ask anyone who knows me, I do EVERYTHING I can at my house, but there is only so much a young-teenager girl can do! My Mom works all day, well so do I! School, babysitting my brother and cousins, and writing my stories AND poetry, studying, homework, and cleaning and trying to be able to still hang with my friends once in a while. It's stressful.

Then she says I don't talk about my feelings enough. So I wrote her a letter saying my feelings and gave it to her. Guess what she did? I heard her making fun of what I had said in the letter to my aunt (Z) and one of her friends. Now that hurt!

So last night, I listen to my I Pod while trying to sleep. She made me take my headphones out and try to sleep. I haven't done that for three YEARS. How does she think I can suddenly stop? Okay so I lay for about 45 minutes without music, trying to sleep. I couldn't. I tried doing the prayer thing, read prayers over again and again and again in my head till I drift off. IT DON'T WORK THAT WAY! I start, then I think of random things and end up more awake then ever.

So, yeah, 45 minutes went by and I wasn't asleep so I asked her if I could listen to it. She said I was ridiculous, and that this was an addiction. "Why can't you just fall asleep while praying like a normal person, Blake?"

I felt like snapping back, "You aren't normal. This family is not normal. You talk behind people's back. You compare your children to others and than when they do it you tell them to stop. You make me feel like I'm worthless. You make me think that because I don't listen to you I'm a stupid piece of crap not worth being your daughter. You make me HATE MYSELF and cry everyday."

Instead I told her that prayers were too reptetive and made me think of random things an stay awake. I'm such a loser *sigh*.

Then she degrades me all the time, but now she's calling me an idiot for not ironing my cothes earlier. Bye, while I go do that!

- *sigh* Blake